Wednesday, 12 November 2008

  • |[Breadcrumbs]|

    Calamity.
    I wanted to put that as the title, but i typed breadcrumbs instead (obviously as per above...yeesh).

    This past week turned my personal pot active, with mixes of brew - good and bad.
    Things have subsided regarding my work. Like the wind, it blew away and its now under the rug. That's no less any reason to mess it again. I hoped to god i have truly learn my lesson. Whoever said life's a lesson wasn't kidding. You have to really fuck up to be able to take that needed step forward. Moving forward. I can't help but think about that line these past months. I believe we move forward better with mistakes than good deeds. Good deeds a dime a dozen.

    But no. I blog today about several incidents that rained on me.

    Work aside (yes, i'm still invisible...save Gtalk moments...yeesh), social life got a stir when meeting new friends, i meet...more new friends. My burning light of romance got a slow, but needed kickstart. I am now at a crossroad between two people. There's another? yes. how unfortunate that they're good friends. I've decided to follow my heart instead of my head. So far, my head's getting more action than my heart. Its frustrating to act cool and pretend to not feel disturbed about the fact that nothing seems to progress! I vowed never to be the needy one, but..is it wrong to feel it? to want to be called? I love my space and always want my own time...but everyday i look at my phone and wonder if i would sms, would i get a reply?...as in this century!! and not when i HAPPEN to meet up! And then there's the other one....i'd like to keep my options open and thread strategically.

    Another part of my past came haunting in. Being contact-ignorant has been...well, a welcoming hand to my life. To move on...forward, and not dwell on the past. It was always worked out. Ignore, evade, but be on the look out. And life will continue without unnecessary dents. I'm good at it. I've bitterly had practice....but it seems this one is hard to ignore...There will always be one blissful day where my mind would not wonder about her. One...Random...Time...and when it happens, Boom! There it is!! I leave for one moment...and it lands right on my lap! Laws of attraction? is this included??? Its painful really. I feel stupid, degraded, and filled with sorrow. Everything comes flowing in like Beerfest. I left when i took cue and yelled to the top of my lungs in the car. I hate it! I hate it all! ...ironically, hours before, i was rolling my eyes on a little book about friendship. Pure lies...still miss them dreadfully...i can never understand myself about it.

    I received a haunting news...regarding my mom and it kills me to know...i can't say it here...but what you should know is i have to put my dream summer trip on hold as of now. I have to be wary of my spendings...and hold on to my job for dear life. And the year hasn't even ended yet...sigh...

     

    Miserable. Thats how i feel now. Miserable...and suddenly...very very lonely.

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