I have been deemed as such today by my team head.
I was caught off-guard, but irritated by my lack of tact that started all this. Naturally, i remind myself day after day that when you're in office, you stand alone regardless of how unity holds a strong team together like glue. And as how i'm turning more accepting, i have to learn the painful way of how naive i can get.
Details will be sketchy, but i dare say that my attitude isn't rubbing well with most. Nat gets me, though i have no qualms between our work-ethics. I will state my ground on something here:
I have been brought up in closed quarters to learn that life outside is rough, and margin for error is always a step away. I have to be hardworking to get what i want, be level headed, and smart (not wise) about living. And because of my environment, i have adapted an attitude that suits my needs, which is to question. I question everything that happens in life. Why? Why Why?
I thought questioning would bring me to a more understanding level of things. To rise above a situation, knowing the answer of any wrong doing, or reward that comes along with it. People around me often catch this particular 'addiction' and i guess i am thankful that they haven't reached a point that they want to strangle me in my sleep...or my solitude from their lives was so i won't piss them off anymore...Yes, another trait i caught on, which is to back off before it gets worse.
This 'question-addiction' has thus landed me in the hot seat today. I'm surprised i'm not fired to say it straight. But stubborn as i am, i have my own personality to live with.
And inquiring why through sms can surely spin out of control. The gift that is subjective sms...or as 'she' puts it "double-meaning". I still wonder what she means by it really. "double-meaning" from my side or from both sides? I was facing a loosing battle the moment i heard "more workload than you" in this discussion meet. Well, i'm fucking sorry if asking why was a Work-Ethic-Sin.
Yes, pull rank in my face - and 'workload', but i found it downright bias for a higher rank newb to complain about a really reduced workload to top his two projects that he shares with my other teammate. She deserves your seat more than you. She gets her side done along with the two other projects she's helping with. I just wanted to know why can't you live up to your rank and at least be half great as she is...Well, i didn't state it like so. It was more 'why' with a statement of her handlings...
Yes yes, i wasn't tact with my sms. i should have said i would accept it first followed by questioning(i didn't mind, just wanted a valid explanation and proof that you could at least try to do your own load...)
So, there you have it. Oh, along with a 'this-is-why-i-don't-give-ask-you-to-help-me-because-of-your-attitude' tone...and words...This just makes me ill to my stomache. The type of ill-feeling that makes me want to gut a sofa to feel better. We are all sheeps in the end.
"pick up that shit!"
"yes sir."
"pull that house!"
"yes sir, right away sir."
"piss backwards and don't spill."
"yes sir."
Is this how progress is made? There will always be 'the sheep' and the 'bow-peep'. Which one are you?
Frankly, i love meat, so i don't want to be one.
In other news, i'm still a broken semi-dry fauset.
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